Yes, your kid hates you… Why is that?
The first and only thing YOU can do to help your kid love you again is to assess and correct YOURSELF! Read that last sentence again, as it is worth repeating.
Okay, let’s assess YOU:
- Do you beat your kids almost everyday? I’m talking leather straps and fists that make marks.
- Do you ever tell your kids “you ain’t shit”, “shut the hell up stupid”, or “you make me sick”?
- Do you forget to feed your kids because you’re all “cracked out” and high as hell?
I can continue, but you get the idea. If you answered yes to anything in this arena of abuse, then there is definitely good reason for ANYONE to hate you. But there is good news, these reasons are pretty obvious and you should not have to sit down with a bottle of Jameson to assess this. Also, you can change this… with a great amount of outside help and counseling. So, stop reading this blog and go find that type of help now.
For those of you still with me, here is what you should seriously consider – your child is CRAZY; let me explain. Everyone is born different, from the way we look, think, and feel. In your kids case, they act and react with different levels of emotion. You should be reminded of this daily, when you yell at one kid more than the other. Some kids need more hugs, while others don’t like to be all touchy feely. So, your kid is emotionally tuned to life, and feels differently about certain things than how others feel about the same thing.
I know, it’s a psychological thing that I have no expertise to theorize on; so it is easier for me to just consider them as being CRAZY. When I accept them as being crazy, I don’t emotionally attach myself to their emotional reactions (whether happy or sad). For example, when they cry at the hotel after a whole day at Disney because they missed the fireworks. Or, when they pout, “you never let me do anything”, after they just drove your car around town and didn’t refill the gas tank (hopefully you remember before that long commute to work).
Let them deal with their own crazy issues. Let them sort that crap out and figure it out once they’re older, but in the meantime:
- take them to the park,
- carry them on your back,
- actively listen to their long boring stories (not all of them, or you’ll burnout – be selective), and
- read them a bedtime story
Now, if your kid is an adult, then it is too late to do any of this stuff, however there is still hope. If you were the “never there” parent, then start slowly and gently connecting with them. No rush, do not be intrusive, and keep your opinions to yourself… the age when your opinions mattered are long gone. If you were “mostly or always there” while they were growing up, then put some distance and time between yourself and them until THEY reach out to you. This could take weeks, years, or may never happen at all, but you have to let them sort it out.
Personal Note: Growing up I both loved and hated my father (sounds crazy, right?). Inevitably, I now love and appreciate him after much time apart. We can talk for seconds or hours, within days or weeks, but I can talk to that man about anything without feeling like I’m being judged.